I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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