So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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