My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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