so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
