Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone came in the potted fern
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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