Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
