So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
