brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
