jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
