I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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