you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
