The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
