I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
