My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He felt like a one man threesome
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
