Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
