thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
