there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
