My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
