With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
