sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
