I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
