i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
