i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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