either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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