Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
