I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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