Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
