I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
