he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
