You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
