sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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