they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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