I'm so fucking centered right now
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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