Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
