There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
