Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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