Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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