You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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