And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
false alarm, still single
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