Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want to make out with him forever
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
