This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
