hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
