I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
