Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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