I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
