Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
