You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
