??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
