He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
