Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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