How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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