Please, let me fuck your mom
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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