There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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