I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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