there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
